“A Walk In the Rain”


Rain…it always seemed to rain, especially during the fall. I remember spending endless nights walking in the rain, endless lonely nights. Why did I walk in the rain? I did it because it was a time everything seemed empty and gray, and because it was the safest time to cry. No one can see your tears in the rain, but one person discovered me. He was introduced to me once during my 14th birthday party by one of my so-called friends who had brought him along. He didn’t fit in to the crowd I was in, and I simply ignored this loser. Two years later I still hadn’t said more then a few words to him, “Beat it loser”. Well soon school started and I started to withdraw from everyone.
I slowly become more involved with thinking about what had happened and I became what people call “depressed” or “unstable” but I was just lost. Some had tried to help, friends tried to talk to me but I knew they wouldn’t really care so I just kept quiet. Eventually they all gave up, if only I had told them…maybe it could have saved me. By my 15th birthday I had become totally alone, my parents completely unaware to what was happening to me. I would just go home, wait for the rain then cry in silence. No one had a clue…well that’s what I thought. Turns out he knew all along, and if only I knew he cried too.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She hid behind a shield of tears and mystery, but underneath she was a mistreated beauty. The first day I met her I fell for her horribly, like a sick tree falls at the power of its executioner. I was able to see through her and knew she was slowly slipping down a spiral of darkness. I had a feeling as if she hated me…no I knew she hated me. I remember how I used to always see her walking in the dead of night in the rain, hidden from her dark reality. Not even the moon’s glow could light the sadness about her. I always knew she cried, how you ask? I did the same thing….
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

One night I crossed paths with him during one of my retreats, he was standing in a small area of the park where the rain couldn’t fall through the protection of the tree’s leaves. I remember the cold chill that took me over and forced me to leave my haven of rain into the area where he stood. The hood of his jacket shadowed his face but even through that shadow his green eyes broke the darkness. It felt like an hour had passed before either of us had moved or spoke. He had taken of his jacket and handed it to me as he spoke, “It’s pretty cold out, surprised it hasn’t turned to snow”. I looked up after he said that, just in time to see his wet face turn and watch him step into the curtain of rain and disappear into the darkness of the night. I never noticed that his face was the only part of him that was wet, or that he hadn’t even stepped into the rain before he had left. If only I knew that tears drenched his face just as my own. The jacket he gave me I wore everyday after that. Why? I never knew why I did until the end…
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know she hates me, I can tell by the glares she gives me. Its different than the looks she gives to other people who pass her by. Her eyes seem colorless and as if they are searching for something that was never there to begin with. I always knew when something was wrong with her or if there was something on her mind that bothered her. I could see the sadness within her. I attempted to ask her what was wrong but I suppose she feared I was going to try and pry secrets out of her and she said that I didn’t really care about what she had to say and before I could correct her she took off and faded into the crowd like a stone falls through the water only to sink with the rest of the stones on the bottom.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Anytime my emotions got to me he seemed to always be there trying to ask what was wrong and trying to help but I never gave him the chance. My 16th birthday came and I spent the day alone in my room until my mother came to my room and dumped a fiery red wrapped gift on the bed. She said some boy had left it for me and after I opened it I found a small stuffed bear with a heart and lock on its stomach in the design. I suspected it was him who had done this but that didn’t stop me from clinging to it whenever I was in my room. A few nights later I crossed paths with him again and instead of changing paths like usual I walked next to him and together we walked along my path through the rain. We took the path that had kept me hidden for many endless nights, should anyone had seen us that night they would have easily mistaken us for a couple…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night I had gone for a walk, and while I was heading up a path I had not yet taken I felt someone come beside me like a shadow creeps up on a wall. I never looked but I knew it was her, I must’ve been traveling her path that night and while we walked I felt as if I had become hidden from the world. A break in the clouds above let the moonlight fall over us and as the rain slowed to just a misty drizzle I turned to face her and she faced me. Our eyes met but as soon as it happened, the clouds filled the sky again and the rain fell like a blanket and she faded out of view into the darkness.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
I remember feeling like I wasn’t so alone, but it didn’t stop the pain or the walks in the rain…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She seems to have grown softer and slipped a little out of the darkness that seemed to follow her. She acknowledges my presence and will even smile at me sometimes but I can feel she still suffers and even though I try to be there for her I give her the space she needs.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
How could I have been so selfish? I remember thinking about it one day while in school. He had always been there for me yet I never bothered to give him a chance. I tried to hard to ignore him, I avoided him, and even worse I never took the time to find out what was wrong with him. He was like me, lost in a shadow but there was a difference. His life didn’t fall claim to the shadows like mine.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought she had come out of her troubles but as the cold winter approaches the rain falls even more and with it she falls as well, walking as often as the rain bombs the roofs of the houses.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
My tears fall like the rain I hide under. It feels like I shouldn’t be around anyone and that these people who find my company aren’t really there. Just faceless figures that are everywhere I go except in the rain.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weeks have gone by and her shield has grown thicker, almost to a point where she herself has become the dark cloud that weeps above and sends tears crashing down on those who walk at night. Winter comes closer as the rain turns a cold that is blood chilling and seems to never end. I only see her now during her nightly retreats. One night I went out to clear my head, that night will never leave my mind…
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
I was out walking, the cold winter chill biting at me, when suddenly it felt like I was in a very slow dream. I started walking across the street when I saw him then suddenly everything just went blank and I woke up on the street. The rain had stopped and the moon was glowing with no clouds blocking it at all. I couldn’t really see anything else as my eyes closed again, and then I heard someone whisper the words I had been dying to hear for so long then it all went black…
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn’t see her there until the last second. I turned to face her just as the car struck her and left her dying in the road. I quickly ran to her body. Yelling at a man sitting at the bus stop to go get help even though I knew it was to late. Everything stopped, the rain, the wind, and the cold, everything that had kept her hidden in the darkness now left. I started to cry as I bent down next to her and as one of my tears landed on her face next to one of hers in a race down her skin, pale from living in the shadows, Her eyes opened. I knew this was the last chance I would ever have. I kissed her softly on the brow and bent low to whisper the words I had been dying to tell her since I had met her. “ I love you”
I will never know love like that again. As I stood from her body and they placed the body bag over her head I swear I saw one last smile from her and then the zipper went up and she was no more.

That was our last Walk In the Rain.